I joined a new fantasy baseball league this year, supremely confident that I could manage two baseball teams provided I only ignore the rest of my life (I have no idea how NYC does three leagues). With the draft coming up, we had a discussion of rules, specifically, what stats should count. A few of us felt that walks were undervalued, and suggested some combination of BB or OBP to account for this. However, the response from the rest of the league was that walks are boring, and thus have no place in fantasy baseball. I’m on board with the walks are boring sentiment, but it got me to thinking, what would a fantasy baseball league look like if it were composed of the most exciting stats?
My goal here is to propose a 4×4 roto league that uses only exciting statistics. After some comments to account for my obvious omissions, I’ll create the league on Yahoo! (which in itself is pretty exciting with that !). The winner of the league will be the most exciting nerd, a title for all to envy. Finally, I’ll name the league the Factorial Cup, after the most exciting mathematical operation (too much? I thought so, but it’s Nerd Baseball so I’m allowed).
Offense
1. Inside the park home runs
I can’t think of a single baseball event more exciting than inside the park home runs. They always end with a play at the plate, and the drama of being safe or out. Of course, there can’t be too many of these over the course of a season, but rarity is a key component of excitement.
2. Triples
Last Summer, I finally made it to Shea. Jose Reyes led off the bottom of the first, as in 2008 the Mets had not been completely drawn in by the idea of Luis Castillo batting lead-off (one man’s banshee is apparently Randolph’s siren). Reyes promptly knocked the ball the right field wall, and ended up on third. As the ball rolled to the wall, with Reyes rounding first, the crowd around me rose and started calling ‘triple! triple! triple! triple!’ Triples are exciting.
3. Stolen bases
If I were a klepto, I would say something about the rush of stealing. I’m not, so I’ll note that Ocean’s 11 is a very entertaining movie built around the concept of stealing. Not all thefts are quite so classy, but in the end there’s a certain excitement in stealing a base. The bigger the risk, the more exciting the theft. Stealing home = ultimate excitement. Since we’re going for pure thrill in this league, we of course will ignore the consequences of getting caught.
4. Grand Slams
Nerds should take note that walks are not the way to a woman’s heart. Grand slams, on the other, hand are. In a friend-of-a-friend type situation, I once watched a Red Sox game with two women from El Salvador. This was in 2007, and Papi was on top of his game. He came to the plate, bases loaded, and I was told “watch Papi right here.” Sure enough, he hit the long ball. What I remember is the way Papi was pronounced; chicks dig the long ball.
Pitching
It turns out that pitching isn’t as exciting as hitting. Defense has some exciting plays (outfield assists/plays at the plate), but this doesn’t fit into the fantasy baseball format.
1. Perfect games/no-hitters
Perfect games are awesome. But given that odds are there won’t be one this year, I’m content to count the slightly less exciting no-hitters. No-hitters are even more exciting when they are attached to a beating cancer situation. I didn’t realize this at the time, but not only did Lester beat real cancer, he also overcame the enormous burden of having (per Papelbon) figurative-cancerous Manny on his team when he threw his no-hitter.
2. Saves
Saves can be really boring. A three run save in the ninth inning? Boring. Game on the line, one run save? That is tense. That is exciting. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can redefine saves on any of the fantasy baseball sites.
3. Strikeouts
4. The Fastball
Okay, I’m kinda stumped here. So the best I can do is to say that pitchers who can throw the ball really fast are exciting, so average velocity it is.
Tags: !, exciting statistics, factorial, fantasy baseball, fastballs, grand slams, inside the park home runs, no hitters, perfect games, stolen bases, strikeouts, the most exciting mathematical operation, triples
(4.89 out of 5)
How does Prof Nerdtron’s Computer define excitement? If it’s extreme emotion rather than extreme positive emotion, then a blown save is way more exciting than a regular save. Unless you’re Byung-Hun Kim or Eric Gagne, blown saves are much rarer, thus adding to the excitement.
Other exciting stats include Wild Pitches and Hit Batsmen. Triple plays are exciting, and Baseball Prospectus seems to think that Bunt Base Hits are exciting, too.
Harder to quantify but more exciting are brawls and mound charges – perhaps you should have a roto league based on days suspended for non-PED reasons?
At the other end of the spectrum, I nominate the balk as the least exciting play in baseball, with catcher interference right behind.
What about the guy putting the box in front of Darnell Coles? That was a pretty exciting play.
I’m willing to change the fastball to pitcher HBP. I am not sold that bunting for a hit is more exciting than any of my suggestions. For me, the only bunt that is exciting is the suicide squeeze.