The following story is about a girl who lived down the hall from me for several years during college. I had not thought about this particular sequence of events for years before seeing the Jayson Werth rookie card embedded later in this post. And then it all came flooding back…

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There was a girl who I went to college with who dressed like a hippie. We’ll call her Sandra. She had dozens of Phish concerts bootlegged, followed jam bands on tour over the summers with her hippie friends, and sold vegetarian stir-fry in the parking lots to make money. She had a nose ring. She used a men’s necktie as a hair-band.

My only glimpse behind the hippie curtain came during junior year, when one of Sandra’s friends from high school was visiting. This friend showed up looking…normal. She was wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans from the GAP. The whole week, the friend wore sneakers or shoes…not sandals.

One evening, toward the end of the week, a group of us were out to dinner. Sandra took a phone call, and left the table for a few minutes. Soon after, the friend said, “You guys know what’s up with Sandra and that hippie crap?”

The next few minutes, before Sandra returned, can be described as mind-blowing at best, and unsettling at worst. The friend informed us that until she left for college, Sandra was pretty much a GAP girl. No Phish. No nose-ring. No veggie stir-fry. This transformation must’ve taken place in the week between when the friend left for college, and when Sandra left for college. Needless to say, Sandra came back, the subject was dropped, and we all pretended that nothing had happened.

At the time, this sort of complete look/personality transformation left me confused. Now it strikes me as kind of sad.

I swear this will all make sense when you see the next couple of pictures. I was so rattled by them that I will give you a few minutes to digest them on your own. Then I’ll be back with some closing thoughts:

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Jayson Werth – 2009 – Cool Dude/Jock/Guy who might be in a hard rock band

Jayson Werth – 1997 – F-ing Nerd/Winner of the late career Greg Maddux combined with Kent Tekulve look-alike contest

Further evidence: Mr. Werth’s 1997 Bowman Rookie Card

Several jarring things here–first being that this 1997 Bowman Jayson Werth card checks in at over a half decade later than the next most recent nerd card. Second, why the extreme makeover from Mr. Werth? Is he a self-hating nerd? Does he secretly read Scientific American on road trips? Does he stand in the outfield dreaming of the Dr. Who marathon he has Tivo’d? Has his old college roommate ever called the Phillies locker room to discuss the new Battlestar Galactica movie, then Mr. Werth had to talk really quietly but forcefully into the phone to tell his friend he doesn’t do that anymore, and then hung up quickly and pretended that it was a wrong number when his teammates started razzing him about the call? Third, was it a gradual transformation, or did he get traded from the Orioles and decide to make a Sandra-the-GAP-girl-turned-hippie style new beginning (No one will know! You can be whoever you claim to be!)?

Mr. Werth, don’t deny your nerd roots. Take out those contact lenses. Shave the goatee. Part the hair. It’ll set you free. I promise.

Tags: 1997, battlestar galactica, Bowman, dr. who, GAP, glasses, greg maddux, hippies, jayson werth, kent tekulve, nerd, OF, phillies, phish, self hating nerd, sitcom scenario, World Series

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 5:01 am and is filed under Nerd Cards. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.