John Gonzales from the Philadelphia Inquirer published a full article today about a guy who used to love the Phillies, but now doesn’t anymore.  Sounds like just a slow sports day article, right?

Wrong.  The article is amazing, in an absurd, mind-boggling kind of way.  I’ve posted some highlights below:

It’s been an amazing ride for Phillies fans over the last few years, but not for Mike Cybularz. He got off a few stops back when the road was still bumpy and marked with potholes, and the final destination – a championship and a long-overdue parade – was still off in the distance….The 28-year-old East Norriton native grew up backing all the Philly teams, but he was most smitten with the Phils. His dad took him and his two little brothers to games when they were kids. He remembers watching a lot of bad baseball at the Vet, but he was young and confident his favorite team would become a winner, or at least a contender.

At this point the story sounds like it could be about the childhoods of about 20 different fan bases.  But don’t worry, the table is just being set.

In 2004, when he was older and had some money in his pocket, Cybularz and friends bought partial season tickets for the Phils…During the ’04 campaign, as the Phils fought to find their form, Cybularz vowed that if the Fightin’s didn’t make the postseason, he’d be done with the team forever since that would mark a decade of waiting for the club to make the playoffs.

The Phillies finished 86 – 76 in 2004.  No playoffs.  No more Phillies for Mike.  Oh, and guess what?  if my dinner isn’t ready in the next five minutes, I vow to never eat dinner again.

…Cybularz hasn’t supported the Fightin’s since. Not when the Phils went on an improbable run to steal the NL East from the Mets in ’07. Not when they did it again in ’08 and then tore through the National League and the Tampa Bay Rays to secure the city’s first championship in 25 frustrating years. Not when the Fightin’s caravanned down Broad Street and Cybularz’s loved ones left him behind and joined countless other Phillies fans in celebrating the long-awaited title.”I would have loved to go to the parade,” he said, “but I didn’t – to prove a point.”

I love this.  Mr. Gonzales’s only failing in writing this article was his failure to ask the follow-up question, “What, exactly, is that point?”  This story reminds me of a kid I knew in elementary school.  In order to convince his mother to buy him a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt, he promised that he would “like the ninja turtles FOREVER!!!!”  If he had the resolve of Mike Cybularz, he would still be wearing that shirt.  Totally tubular.

…his brother Kevin [asked] Mike to be his best man and organize a bachelor party involving a Phillies game, followed by a trip to Atlantic City for the entire crew…Instead of seeing the Phillies and then heading to A.C., Mike planned a different getaway to an even less-exciting city.

“We’re going to Baltimore,” Mike said, “to watch the Orioles play the Indians. What a terrible game.”

I think this is where we cross over from “personality quirk” to “mental disorder.”

Kudos, Mr. Gonzales, on a job well done.