1b: Jim Breazeale (4.31/5) had a strange career and amazing glasses. He’s bringing a 284/402 career OBP/SLG to the team, providing borderline offense at a position the nerds had hoped for some offense. Breazeale had a rather unobstructed path to the inaugural Nerd All-Star Team, beating out only one other 1b-man.
2b: Fred Manrique (4.74). The glasses. The hat. The smile. The ‘stache. Plato philosophized that we could never realize idealized forms. If only he had met Mr. Manrique …
3b: Kelly Paris (3.93) never expected to find himself on any All Star team. He is clearly overwhelmed by the news, take a look at his photo.
ss: Mario Mendoza (4.29) already carries one of baseball’s greatest honors by having his name memorialized in association with atrocious offense. Now he can add a Nerd All-Star selection. His card is a permanent monument to mediocrity. Poor framing, no contrast, and only a one-and-done approach can explain his facial expression. Maybe the photographer was inspired by a typical Mendoza AB.
c: Carl Nichols (4.25) Carl Nichols has a post entitled “The Many Faces of Carl Nichols,” but WordPress has decided that this should be abbreviated to “The Man Faces of Carl Nichols.” Nichols ’88 card clearly made an impact on our blog software. Maybe by the time the ’89 card photo was taken, Nichols already he knew he was out of Baltimore, drastically improving his mood. Or maybe Mr. Nichols was bipolar.
of: Max Venable (4.74) puts other nerds to shame. He may not have known what to do with a bat, but the man is maestro with the specs.
of: Gabe Gross (4.57). Maybe every All-Star team needs some controversy. Gross is my vote. Here we have a sad man with glasses and a powder blue Phillies uniform, which doesn’t scream nerd to me. On an unrelated note, why do the Phillies sometimes use a rho in place of a ‘P’? Are they trying to win over my inner math nerd? It’s working, Phillies.
of: Dave Collins (4.21) He looks so inauspicious. Maybe that’s why no one commented on his page. Don’t fret, Dave Collins, you’re the third highest rated nerd OF.
sp: Orel Hershiser (4.88) Others have lionized Hershiser better than I. His nerd-dom is unquestionable. Without a hat, glasses, or facial hair he stands alone as the giant of nerd baseball.
rp: Keith Atherton (4.71) The first time I saw the Keith Atherton card was like the first time I fell in love. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that ridiculous ‘stache, the strangely placed hat, and the overall appearance of complete futility.
(4.89 out of 5)