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Order of business #1: You can cover that umbrella hat in Budweiser cans all you want, but that doesn’t detract from the nerdiness of wearing it in the first place.*

Order of business #2: We need more “Jay Johnsones” in Major League Baseball. From Wikipedia:

[Johnstone] pulled off a number of infamous pranks during his playing days, including placing a soggy brownie inside Steve Garvey’s first base mitt, setting teammate’s cleats on fire (known as “hot-footing”), cutting out the crotch area of Rick Sutcliffe’s underwear, locking Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda in his office during spring training, dressing up as a groundskeeper and sweeping the Dodger Stadium infield in between innings, nailing teammate’s cleats to the floor, and replacing the celebrity photos in manager Lasorda’s office with pictures of himself, Jerry Reuss and Don Stanhouse. He also once dressed up in Lasorda’s uniform (with padding underneath) and ran out to the mound to talk to the pitcher while carrying Lasorda’s book and a can of Slim Fast.

As a baseball announcer, he once covered a microphone with a scent of stale eggs then proceeded to interview Dave Stewart, Mickey Hatcher and other players.

Johnstone struck out looking against Dave Spiwack in the top of the first inning in the movie Naked Gun.

*Let it be noted that I’m anticipating a return of the “nerd vs. dork” controversy in reference to the umbrella hat.