Lots of great info on Mr. Wilson from Wikipedia:

Wilson was best known for his tremendous throwing arm, and led all National League outfielders for assists in 1985 and 1986, throwing out 18 and 20 base-runners from right field, respectively. In 1987, Wilson twice threw out base runners who attempted to reach first base after apparent singles into right field.

Wilson’s nickname was Glennbo, a reference to Rambo. Wilson also appeared in a Phillies promotional ad dressed as Rambo.

This is also the first card that I can recall featuring a glasses strap.

Mr. Jones hit seven home runs in 527 career games.  He was the first base coach for the 2004 Red Sox.

Borat mixed with Fred Armisen anyone?  Anyone?

Anyway, here’s the nerdiest card from a hall-of-famer that I could find through a very quick google image search.

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Thanks to Night Owl Cards for this image.

According to Wikipedia:

In 1980, after being hit in the back of the neck on the basepaths with a thrown ball, Lowenstein was taken off the field on a stretcher, only to sit up abrubtly as he reached the dugout and pump his fists for the crowd.

According to Professor Nerdtron, today marks the 100th nerd posted on this website.  In recognition of this milestone, I encourage you all to raise a glass with Mr. Grubb, and celebrate his place in history.  And his disembodied fingers.

What’s going on here? This man has no strange facial hair, his hat is normally placed, and his face is somehow avoiding the typical contortions expected of a nerd (though what’s with the bat?). This man is far more dangerous*. On WEEI today (Boston sports talk radio), Francona was asked how he valued RBI**.

How do you value RBIs?

I think there are some things that can be skewed. I grew up in an era where, if you hit .300, you were a good player. Well, you know what? That’s not the tell-tale. I was the perfect example. I could hit .300. I never helped our team. I hit all singles, I never walked, I wasn’t fast enough to score any runs. It was kind of cosmetic. Getting on base is a very important stat. It doesn’t mean we have nine guys up there trying to walk. But it means if they’re seeing pitches and working counts, they’re going to become more dangerous hitters. If they’re on base, we talk all the time about keep the line moving, You have to have a good enough team to do that. If you have four or five guys who are taking their walks, and four or five guys that can’t hit, that’s not going to work. If you have a balanced team, which we try to do, and you have that approach, it’s going to work.

(transcript here)

Hey Francona, if you got out of your mother’s basement maybe you’d know how the game of baseball is supposed to be played. I can see through your veiled reference to OBP. Francona might not have the fashion down (yet), but this man is a nerd.

* I’ve been reading Dan Brown and sentences like “This man is far more dangerous” seem perfectly acceptable at the moment.

** WEEI, the plural of RBI is RBI. They’re runs batten in, not runs batted ins.

——–

There was a girl who I went to college with who dressed like a hippie. We’ll call her Sandra. She had dozens of Phish concerts bootlegged, followed jam bands on tour over the summers with her hippie friends, and sold vegetarian stir-fry in the parking lots to make money. She had a nose ring. She used a men’s necktie as a hair-band.

My only glimpse behind the hippie curtain came during junior year, when one of Sandra’s friends from high school was visiting. This friend showed up looking…normal. She was wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans from the GAP. The whole week, the friend wore sneakers or shoes…not sandals.

One evening, toward the end of the week, a group of us were out to dinner. Sandra took a phone call, and left the table for a few minutes. Soon after, the friend said, “You guys know what’s up with Sandra and that hippie crap?”

The next few minutes, before Sandra returned, can be described as mind-blowing at best, and unsettling at worst. The friend informed us that until she left for college, Sandra was pretty much a GAP girl. No Phish. No nose-ring. No veggie stir-fry. This transformation must’ve taken place in the week between when the friend left for college, and when Sandra left for college. Needless to say, Sandra came back, the subject was dropped, and we all pretended that nothing had happened.

At the time, this sort of complete look/personality transformation left me confused. Now it strikes me as kind of sad.

I swear this will all make sense when you see the next couple of pictures. I was so rattled by them that I will give you a few minutes to digest them on your own. Then I’ll be back with some closing thoughts:

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Jayson Werth – 2009 – Cool Dude/Jock/Guy who might be in a hard rock band

Jayson Werth – 1997 – F-ing Nerd/Winner of the late career Greg Maddux combined with Kent Tekulve look-alike contest

Further evidence: Mr. Werth’s 1997 Bowman Rookie Card

Several jarring things here–first being that this 1997 Bowman Jayson Werth card checks in at over a half decade later than the next most recent nerd card. Second, why the extreme makeover from Mr. Werth? Is he a self-hating nerd? Does he secretly read Scientific American on road trips? Does he stand in the outfield dreaming of the Dr. Who marathon he has Tivo’d? Has his old college roommate ever called the Phillies locker room to discuss the new Battlestar Galactica movie, then Mr. Werth had to talk really quietly but forcefully into the phone to tell his friend he doesn’t do that anymore, and then hung up quickly and pretended that it was a wrong number when his teammates started razzing him about the call? Third, was it a gradual transformation, or did he get traded from the Orioles and decide to make a Sandra-the-GAP-girl-turned-hippie style new beginning (No one will know! You can be whoever you claim to be!)?

Mr. Werth, don’t deny your nerd roots. Take out those contact lenses. Shave the goatee. Part the hair. It’ll set you free. I promise.

Order of business #1: You can cover that umbrella hat in Budweiser cans all you want, but that doesn’t detract from the nerdiness of wearing it in the first place.*

Order of business #2: We need more “Jay Johnsones” in Major League Baseball. From Wikipedia:

[Johnstone] pulled off a number of infamous pranks during his playing days, including placing a soggy brownie inside Steve Garvey’s first base mitt, setting teammate’s cleats on fire (known as “hot-footing”), cutting out the crotch area of Rick Sutcliffe’s underwear, locking Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda in his office during spring training, dressing up as a groundskeeper and sweeping the Dodger Stadium infield in between innings, nailing teammate’s cleats to the floor, and replacing the celebrity photos in manager Lasorda’s office with pictures of himself, Jerry Reuss and Don Stanhouse. He also once dressed up in Lasorda’s uniform (with padding underneath) and ran out to the mound to talk to the pitcher while carrying Lasorda’s book and a can of Slim Fast.

As a baseball announcer, he once covered a microphone with a scent of stale eggs then proceeded to interview Dave Stewart, Mickey Hatcher and other players.

Johnstone struck out looking against Dave Spiwack in the top of the first inning in the movie Naked Gun.

*Let it be noted that I’m anticipating a return of the “nerd vs. dork” controversy in reference to the umbrella hat.

On September 8, 1990, Mr. Lusader tied a MLB record by committing three outfield errors in one inning.