How are ya darlin'? Will Miss Cleo be the next "physicist" on the Dodgers' payroll? Call 'meh noowww to find ooout.

McCarver: Well along the comical lines, the Dodgers did have enough money to hire a physicist who was hired to send positive energy waves to the Dodgers, his name was Vladimir Shpunt.  He was a Russian physicist.  I mean, to my knowledge, no major league team has ever hired anybody along those lines.

Buck: And Vladimir is considered one of the top three Russian physicist healers who specializes in beaming positive energy from his home in Massachussettes to a team in Major League Baseball.

McCarver: And the funny thing, he’s only been to Dodger Stadium one time, the other games he watches on television.

Buck: But did anybody know he was there?

McCarver: Well he could be sending positive energy waves right now as we speak on our telecast!

Buck: Which brings up a good point, if youre willing to hire him once for the positive energy vibes, shouldn’t that be like a lifetime deal?  Do you ever want to say “Hey this isn’t working out Vladimir, we can’t afford to bring you back” and now youre dealing with a Russian physicist healer who’s thinking negative energy vibes?

McCarver: That’s right he could…you’d see the flip side of it with the negative energy vibes, that’s right. Haven’t thought of it like that.

Buck: I don’t think you want to play with something like that.

McCarver: No you’d have to keep him on the payroll forever.

Buck: No truth to the rumor that he could make Tommy Lasorda levitate…from his home in new England.
[Adrian Beltre single]

Buck: Vladimir Shpunt was part of the Dodger payroll from 2004 – 2008.

*I should note that neither McCarver nor Buck were taking the story seriously, and they were having a laugh about it.  However, the story makes more sense to me if you substitute “psychic” for “physicist,” as the existence of “positive energy waves” was not covered in any physics course that I’ve ever taken.  Don’t know if Mr. Shpunt actually bills himself as a physicist, or if McCarver and Buck were just a bit confused over the reality of physics.

Order of business #1: You can cover that umbrella hat in Budweiser cans all you want, but that doesn’t detract from the nerdiness of wearing it in the first place.*

Order of business #2: We need more “Jay Johnsones” in Major League Baseball. From Wikipedia:

[Johnstone] pulled off a number of infamous pranks during his playing days, including placing a soggy brownie inside Steve Garvey’s first base mitt, setting teammate’s cleats on fire (known as “hot-footing”), cutting out the crotch area of Rick Sutcliffe’s underwear, locking Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda in his office during spring training, dressing up as a groundskeeper and sweeping the Dodger Stadium infield in between innings, nailing teammate’s cleats to the floor, and replacing the celebrity photos in manager Lasorda’s office with pictures of himself, Jerry Reuss and Don Stanhouse. He also once dressed up in Lasorda’s uniform (with padding underneath) and ran out to the mound to talk to the pitcher while carrying Lasorda’s book and a can of Slim Fast.

As a baseball announcer, he once covered a microphone with a scent of stale eggs then proceeded to interview Dave Stewart, Mickey Hatcher and other players.

Johnstone struck out looking against Dave Spiwack in the top of the first inning in the movie Naked Gun.

*Let it be noted that I’m anticipating a return of the “nerd vs. dork” controversy in reference to the umbrella hat.